I didn’t start yoga to lose weight. I started it to de-stress at a particularly stressful time in my life and it really helped. I did have, in the back of my mind, this idea that one day I’d be able to do a hand stand! However, I thought, how am I going to get my fat ass up in the air?
Throughout my adult life, I’ve struggled with positive self image and I would seesaw between the thoughts of ‘this is my body, love it or leave it’ and ‘I’m so fat, I need to lose weight’. I look back to some times when I thought I was fat and wish I could go back and yell in my face, you look good girl! Anyway, as I am about to turn 40 (a shock in itself), I know that I need to accept my body as it is, however it is and thanks to yoga, I have never been closer to accepting this.
I have been doing regular yoga practice for nearly 10 months and also have almost finished yoga teacher training (22 hours to go!!) and I can say my size doesn’t mean anything. I have done, much to my surprise, Acro Yoga, both flying and basing. I can hold crow pose for 2 seconds (this is huge, believe me, I got concussion from the pose when I first started) and I can rest my legs on my elbows in the tripod handstand (not even my 13 year old students could do that!). I mean it’s not about all that fancy stuff but it helps me to see that size doesn’t mean anything and that’s the yoga at work. Yoga invites non-harm and that includes yourself. I’m not completely there yet, my inner critic has rented a space in my head for a long time, it’s going to take a while to kick that bitch out but I think it’s possible to be completely okay with who I am and what I look like. Yoga is kind of magic except that you’re the magician, making it all happen!